The Freebox

Kirsten and Chip FreeBox TV Episode 2

2007-09-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

In an earlier post I mentioned working with couples who've been together as long as 41 years. Chip and Kirsten have been together just 2 months. Look how great they move together. They are using their dance lessons as a way of getting to know each other and grow together as a couple. Listen to what they have to say:

Jeremy and Abby

2007-09-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

This is Jeremy and Abby. This episode is the first one filmed on my new MacBook. They were great sports showing up and letting me film them. This is the first in a series so keep tuning in to watch their progress and maybe even learn something yourself!

Couples Dancing

2007-09-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

I've been teaching dance for over 18 years. Throughout the years, I've noticed that my client roster usually has a theme. Some years I've had lots of single men, other years many single women. Some years my client base is heavily skewed with wedding couples. In the past I focused on competition style dancing...in recent years my teaching, while still honoring technique and form, has emphasized using the art form of dance to enhance the experience of the person dancing rather than simply molding a person into another form. (FREEBOX)

This year my student base is made up of mostly couples. I have couples who are taking lessons for their own pleasure and self improvement and they range from as newly acquainted as 1 month (6 weeks now) to 41 years married! I currently have several couples who are getting married soon, a couple that's been married for 13 years, one that's been married 28 years, another that's been married 21 years .

Each couple has come to me for a different reason on the surface. To learn to dance for an upcoming event, to have a hobby we can enjoy together, to prepare for a trip to Argentina, etc. What each of them find is that they are building a new foundation together. Whether they've been together for eons or just moments, learning to dance together is new territory for all of them and a great place to recreate themselves moment to moment.

I love working with couples and helping them to love each other more fully through dance. Sometimes it's obvious how this happens....a close embrace, a bit of seductive choreography, a conscious loving touch. It's less obvious how learning technical alignments and body mechanics can increase the romance in a couples life. But it's just these shared experiences of learning something together and experiencing a shared feeling of accomplishment that bond people together.

"I learned something that was difficult, I am improved from doing this thing and I did it with you --with your support."

This is powerful. The beautiful thing about dance is that once you learn how to do this difficult thing, it's entirely joyful and you get to do it over and over again with your favorite partner!

Dance and Relationship

2006-10-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted here. I have been spending a lot of time reassessing my business and what I'm up to in the world. I'll just give you a small hint here. I'm working to create products that highlight the empowering effects of learning to dance, especially in relationships. At least, that's what I find happens with my students. Of course, I'm bringing a lot more to the lesson than 17 years of dance teaching. There's life coaching, therapeutic training, and a pretty strong spiritual practice in the mix.

There are so many ways in which dancing mirrors the rest of our lives. As my coach said to me..."How you do anything, is how you do everything." So true. So, not to scare anyone, but I basically can tell a whole lot about you and how you function in relationship just by teaching you a few dance steps. Don't worry though, because your safe with me! Not everyone sees it, I just happen to have a very keen sense in this area...and rather than finding that frightening, it's really a great thing, because I can help people have better relationships AND be great social dancers! What a combo.

I love working with couples just before they get married because it gives them a real opportunity to look at their communication styles and skills and perhaps improve them or at least become more aware of how they affect the partnership.

Well....if you haven't heard from me or seen me around the studio as much, that's what I'm working on these days. If you are actually reading this and have any encouragement for me, I'd love to hear it!

Allison and Mike...a happy wedding dance story

2006-08-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hi Mary:
Just wanted you to know that our wedding was wonderful and our dance,as you can see from the pictures, was a huge success. Everyone had fun along with us. We came up with a signal for when he was coming across me. He just tapped me on the shoulder twice and that worked well! I have to say it was the best night of my life and we are very happy to be married. Thanks so much for your help. We will call again soon for more lessons. Let us know if you are ever teaching group lessons.Take care!
Allison

Rest, reassessment and vision

2006-08-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Seems time for a seasonal slow down. Many of the wedding couples I was teaching over the summer have gone and gotten married. It's nice to have some time to relax and reassess. It's amazing how much I learn everyday by just paying attention. Opportunities seem to appear out of thin air! Of course I know that there's a lot more going on in that "thin air" than the phraseology of it implies. All those radio waves our thoughts create are traveling around connecting with whatever they can find that matches their frequency so they can combine with them and create more of the same. So I've been spending much time practicing mindfulness and committing to my vision. It's a big step, a big deal to committ to a vision that only lives in my head. It's scary and risky and OHHHH sooooo rewarding when I start to see that it's beginning to manifest and others are starting to see (and hold) what I have held for so long. Ahhhh faith. Trusting that the unseen, and only felt or desired can and will become "real". It's magic. The magic isn't without effort, actually that is part of the magic, keeping faith that it can happen and exercising the will to continue to move into it.

So my vision of Social dance as a Spiritual Path is truly inspiring to me. The opportunity to facilitate something that is so fun and can be so transformative, peace building and heart opening totally jazzes me up. I hope someday this message will get out to those who need to hear it. Until then, I'll keep making my offering awaiting with open heart those who will step forward to recieve it.

2006-08-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

Return from the Journey to Esalen

2006-08-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

Our Workshop at Esalen Institute www.esalen.org was a humbling and expanding experience. We got a much bigger view of the potential of "Social Dance as a Spiritual Path" as a path toward peace and compassion...while being fun and exhilarating.

Hugo and I worked together weaving dance in with his person centered process approach. Our attendees were an amazing group which included the founder of an organization called www.solidarity.org as well as a gentleman who is actively working on peace relations in Libya. Very inspiring stuff!

The Beautiful Big Sur Coast line...stunning!

The "canyon" at Esalen...one of my favorite places...the trees are all good friends of mine. They have lifted me up and given me such amazing inspiration...

The benefits of learning to dance

2006-08-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

This week I've been pondering "service". How can I be more of service to the world? How can I serve not only more people, but how can I offer more to those I already serve? I've been asking that question a lot and what I'm getting is to share my passion in a bigger way!

I've come up with a list of benefits I have recieved from dance and I figure you might be enjoying some of them too...now I ask you...

Who do you know that would like to:

gain confidence
meet new friends
get exercise
grow spiritually
expand thier circle of influence
learn a skill that lasts a lifetime
feel better in their body
add grace and balance to life
increase their capacity for joy?

Do you know anyone who is recently single? Maybe someone who is new to the area or perhaps you know a couple that is just becoming "empty nesters". Perhaps it's someone you work with or someone you go to church with. Or maybe a neighbor. Wouldn't it be wonderful to help this person by introducing them to the world of Social Dance? Please take the time to be of service yourself, think of this person who could really benefit from dancing and give them my email or better yet, send their information to me so I can talk with them personally.

By the way...did you realize all the benefits listed above are ones you are recieving everytime you take a lesson or engage in a Friday Night Mixer! It's good to remind yourself of what a great gift you are giving yourself...when you do the benefits actually multiply!

Sharing dance is sharing Life!

Links to my friends and teachers and partners

2006-08-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dance North County

The Loving Ballroom

2006-08-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

In the Loving Ballroom, we all accept each other as we are. We agree we are together to love ourselves and each other through dance. In the loving ballroom, partners connect with the beloved in each other. We practice self acceptance are commited to presence and we LIVE. The more accepted I feel, the more loveable I feel. The more loveable I feel, the more loveable I am. In the loving ballroom I learn to have healthy boundaries. In the loving ballroom I am treated with utmost respect. In the loving ballroom I am encouraged, safe and loved. In the loving ballroom, I learn to enjoy learning. In the loving ballroom, I get held. In the loving ballroom I have the honor of holding.

"For you have me love much, So I will Love you much. I will anoit you with love. Everywhere you go, people will love you and you will love them ......" Rhema word

A brief Jitterbug Lesson...my first Video post!

2006-08-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ok...it's here and it's brief and impromptu. Thanks to Joe for bringing his camera, being my guinea pig and helping me get the video online! Enjoy a little Jitterbug lesson...hint...this is what we'll be doing this Friday at the Social Dance Mixer 8:15-9pm at Dance North County - Don't miss it!

Helpers in group classes...

2006-08-05T22:51:00.000-07:00

Ok...it's happened to all of us...we are in a group class and the teacher stops to give instruction and there is always one couple sorting things out on their own, usually one of them is lost and the other is "helping" them. From my perspective this is not only rude to the entire class and disrespectful to the teacher, it also serves mainly to isolate the poor lost person. Sometimes this type of "helpful" instruction is offered without permission from the recipient and sometimes it is requested by the struggling one. I hold pretty strong boundaries around this because I believe it is a boundary issue as much as anything else.

I'd love to hear other points of view on this because I mainly only see things from my perspective and while it's pretty broad I will concede that it does not cover the entire scope of the dance universe.

The power of group focus

2006-08-05T22:25:00.000-07:00

The power of group focus and agreement. I don't think there is anyone who hasn't experienced the effect of a group of people all focused on a common goal. Certainly, no parades would ever occur, no presidents would be elected (hmmmm...) and no culture would exist. Group focus and commitment is a powerful thing.

I emphasize this when I instruct group classes. Teaching all these years has been an amazing Petri dish to experiment in and I've discovered over time and trial that there are very specific things that can nearly guarantee that each person in the group class has a good experience learning to dance. These things insure that each person in the group class gains at least a modest level of proficiency and is included - while some may be more challenged than others, no-one gets lost. It may not be every teacher's style and not everyone is comfortable asking a group of people to work together towards a goal. I guess some teachers aren't aware of the possibilities that exist in directing their students to focus on working as a unit while in a group class rather than as independent students and "helpers". There is time for that perhaps after or before, but during class the focus is on group learning...Where a bunch of individuals come together and create a group field. A group field of chaos does not make for the optimal learning environment...though a certain amount is actually a healthy component. The container, and that which shapes the group, is the group intention. This container, much like the dance frame need not be entirely rigid, we are just setting the tone of optimal learning.

No, not everyone is going to be completely stimulated by every minute of every group class and yes, some people will get a little confused. But the key is to remember...our intention is powerful especially when magnified by all participants in the group.

What-the Freebox?

2006-08-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

The Free Box is a place where abundance is fully expressed, you always get just what you need AND you can drop off what no longer serves you. It is an actual area at Esalen, where much of my wardrobe has come from and where I have been able to release things that I no longer needed. It has always been true for me that

whenever I walk into the freebox with an intention of finding something, it is
there.

Welcome to The Freebox ... a space where freedom reigns and we can safely step (and dance!) out side the box. I invite you to co create with our e v e r e x p a n d i n g liberated community that dances expression, practices heartful communication and explores unconditional acceptance. I hope you will join me here (and invite others!).

Discipline with a big "D"

2006-08-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Learning any skill requires discipline. Learning to do something really well requires more discipline. The beginning stages of learning usually require a small "d" discipline, this is the "I'm just testing this out, it's new and fun and interesting...I'm giving it a try".

Exceptions to this of course depend on the level of intensity or difficulty the new skill presents for me, which is related to the gap between proficiency and where I currently stand.

That is where the BIG "D" comes in. It may be right from the start because I've chosen to jump right in or - as in most dance students experience - a little further down the road when I've learned just enough to be dangerous and enough to become aware of the gap between where I now stand and really proficient.

When I realize how much more is required of me to accomplish at least a rudimentary mastery (is that an oxymoron?) of this skill it's time for the BIG "D" discipline to enter.

First it requires the discipline to educate myself as to what the benefits (more on this in a future post!)of bridging this gap are...is it worth it? Taking the time to really examine my motives and finding out if this particular process is going to fulfill those is a very important step. This is the juice is that will keep me going when the Big "D" gets really challenging. Once I decide,
"Yes! I do want the benefits this learning process has to offer!"
...(the end results are usually just bonus to all the great stuff I get along the way as I engage in the process) then it takes the Big D discipline to stick with my decision. Later on the big "D" turns into a small "d" again but we'll talk about that later.

The benefits of engaging in any process that requires big "D" from me?

The most valuable one I am in touch with right now is that it strengthens my will. It gives me a sense of tremendous empowerment each time I have the opportunity to choose to engage in the activity that challenges me and reaps rewards rather than flake out because "it's too hard...I don't feel like it...I'm emotionally stuck...." Whatever. I've got loads of excuses that I've used in the past and hopefully fewer that will come into play in the future as I continue strengthening my "D" by engaging in activities that scare and challenge and exhilarate me.

Meanwhile, I get to enjoy the skills I've already developed from having moved through my own Big "D" challenge in dance, each time I dance with you!

Why should you learn to dance?

2006-08-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

Searching for inspiration...

2006-08-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been
searching for inspiration. I may be addicted to progress or change, whatever it is I just know I love to be challenged and find myself often having visions of doing really big things in the world. Often this
visionary trait works to my disadvantage because I can put myself into overwhelm with the how, and who the heck am I to do something that big, meaningful, exciting and yes...my visions include profits too! Big payoffs that give me freedom and allow me to make even bigger contributions to the world.
Hmmm. Well...It's sort of like learning dance when you start to learn a little then see how much more
there is to learn. If you aren't coached well, step by step, this can be overwhelming and at this very exciting point where you start envisioning yourself in the fancy dress ballgown and tails that many people quit because
it's too much. Too much time, money, commitment. But what if you could be inspired to greatness in your
dance (and life) and have someone help you traverse the
overwhelm?
Have you ever asked yourself, "What is the benefit of being a better than just ok social dancer?" If it's anything like how I feel about dance or yoga for that matter, each small increment of improvement boosts my confidence and my attitude in my whole life. Every time I master the smallest change, I know I am alive. Social dance offers an opportunity to master many things. Especially when you work with me....because that's the part I dig! Sure many of my students come to me to learn just a little more about dance and some see the potential mastery that is possible in discovering patterns hidden in their physiology, patterns as basic as how they walk in the world or show up in relationship (particularly with the opposite sex). Not only do we discover these patterns, but we also get the opportunity to manifest change at the physiological level...while having fun and learning to dance.
More on this later...

2006-07-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

Foxtrot Class....

Tom ,

Jack,
and lots of other new friends...
all having fun,
DANCING!!!!

wish you were here!

Want an AMAZING WEEKEND GET AWAY this summer?

2006-07-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

Meet Joe...

2006-07-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

This is Joe Stumpf. He is a student of mine who has inspired me to do bigger things...or rather to finally start taking action on some of the bigger things I've always dreamt about. This blog being one of the first steps.

We are working on Waltz...

Great Frame and it's only lesson #3!

What's under those coats?

2006-07-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

Ok....here's one more. Kathy Myers and myself...it's tough to see, but those are actually (toy) tommy guns in our hands...somehow this all worked to Shirley Bassey and the Propeller Head's remix of Big Spender. Creativity at it's finest! It won us "Best overall Solo routine"! Just for having so much fun!

Dancing with my friends!

2006-07-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

I recently found these pictures from The Dance North County Showcase a couple of years ago.

This is my dear friend and Student Emmy. I love dancing with her and we had such a great time doing this fun number to the Andrew's sister's "Shoo Shoo baby".

Here I am with another sweetie, Jim Arnold. We are dancing a waltz. It was a real landmark for us...Jim's first solo performance!

Why I dance...

2006-07-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

I am called to share with you some personal reasons why I love dance and why I love sharing it with you. For me, dance has been a magical healer. No matter what state my emotions or spirit are in, when I dance I am always renewed. Dancing puts me in the present moment and allows me to focus on just feeling good.

You may know I promote several different types of dance they mainly fall into two categories. Formal - or structured dancing (ballroom, salsa, swing etc.) and Freeform - non structured. Both have their own benefits and can benefit each other.

Briefly, Formal dancing offers me an opportunity to work toward mastery of my body and enjoy communion with a partner when done really well. It also offers me plenty of opportunities to look at my habitual patterns in learning new things, relating one on one and social interactions. (Just a few small things that effect my whole life!)

Freeform on the other hand allows me to move deeply into an internal landscape offering an opportunity to examine and PLAY with awareness of how I allow myself to express and of course where I hold myself back. Some freeform journeys are just a fun playful time where I get to be free, others become a deep shamanic journey where I discover deeper truths about myself. If you see someone lying on the floor the whole time, never assume they aren't doing anything, for they may be on an subtle yet powerful journey attending to the most subtle sensations of their being. For me, most freeform journeys are a mixture of both ...Play and Deep Work. What a rush.

Formal dance training can benefit my freeform by giving me greater control of my physical structure allowing me to expand my edges. Freeform benefits my formal dance by giving me greater self awareness and a sense of freedom which carries over. Start watching dancers and notice those who are more tied to the form or more into their own thing. To me, the ultimate is a balanced blend of the two. Freedom and enJOYment is in the balance of form and expression. The more JOY I have in life, the better I feel.

Common Ground

2006-07-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

Scientists, web programmers, chef's, handymen, psychotherapists, entrepreneurs, famous authors, healers, astrologers, real estate agents, radio personalities. Where is one place all these people gather and find common ground? Dancing!

The Social Dance Mixer is a place where you can expand your circle of influence while learning a new skill that will stay with you the rest of your life! Mark you calendar for July 21 8:15pm You'll learn basics of Rumba and have a great time meeting all kinds of new friends. What a fun way to connect!